Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Monday, April 7, 2014

Tuesday Tonic - The War on Easter!

Reposting this po(e)st since last year's version has been showing up in the niftiest posts list!

Mark your calendars, NiftyReaders. Today, I agree wholeheartedly with a fundamentalist Christian argument. According to online sources for Christian correctness, Christians have a big problem with Easter. The problem is that Easter is not Christian enough. In fact, Easter is not Christian or Biblically endorsed at all.

Hot cross buns?
Now let’s go to the other scriptures authorizing Easter. This presents a problem. There are NONE! There are absolutely no verses, anywhere in the Bible, that authorize or endorse the keeping of Easter celebration! The Bible says nothing about Lent, eggs and egg hunts, baskets of candy, etc., although it does mention hot cross buns and sunrise services as abominations, which God condemns. (The True Origin of Easter, the Reformed Church of

The name “Easter” has its roots in ancient polytheistic religions (paganism). On this, all scholars agree. This name is never used in the original Scriptures, nor is it ever associated biblically with the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. For these reasons, we prefer to use the term “Resurrection Sunday” rather than “Easter” when referring to the annual Christian remembrance of Christ's resurrection. (What is the origin of Easter?

Oh, those pagans with their "Happy Easter/Happy Holidays"! Unbelievers have been distracting Christians from the true meaning of Christianity's most important holidays for too long! Easter is all about springtime, flowers budding, bunnies, chicks and sex. So unChristian!  Resurrection Sunday is about the story of a dead man who disappeared from his tomb and is believed to have risen from the dead after a horrific execution. That's more like it! Ask any Christian, he will tell you: holidays don't get much more joyful than that!

Coloring eggs? 
That's a no-no, Christians!
I would prefer that Christians use the term "Resurrection Sunday" rather than Easter, too. It makes perfect sense for Christians - who happily profess to be washed in the blood of Jesus, after all - to name their own holiday something more appropriate to what it really is about. I enthusiastically support their right to begin calling their holy day by this name forthwith. Keep the Resurrection in Resurrection Sunday!

And while we are on the subject, why do devout Christians allow the secularists to win on Good Friday, too? Why accept the politically correct - and frankly much too bland - "Good Friday"?  Christians, call it what it is!  It is Crucifixion Friday! It is high time that Christians admit to the rest of the world - loud and proud - that their holiday is about blood, torture and a terrible death, not the Easter Bunny, jellybeans and a chocolate coma!

And about those Easter Eggs. No, no, no, Christians. Do you have any idea of the depraved history of these pagan symbols? Easter eggs are pagan symbols of a fertility goddess! ChristianAnswers can fill you in:

Most children and families who color or hide Easter eggs as part of their Resurrection Sunday tradition have no knowledge of the origin of these traditions. Easter egg activities have become a part of Western culture. Many would be surprised and even dismayed to learn where the traditions originated.
“The egg was a sacred symbol among the Babylonians. They believed an old fable about an egg of wondrous size which was supposed to have fallen from heaven into the Euphrates River. From this marvelous egg - according to the ancient story - the Goddess Astarte (Easter) [Semiramis], was hatched. And so the egg came to symbolize the Goddess Easter.”
Sneaky... but they're still eggs.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
The idea of a mystic egg spread from Babylon to many parts of the world. In Rome, the mystic egg preceded processions in honor of the Mother Goddess Roman. The egg was part of the sacred ceremonies of the Mysteries of Bacchus. The Druids used the egg as their sacred emblem. In Northern Europe, China and Japan the eggs were colored for their sacred festivals.
The egg was also a symbol of fertility; Semiramis (Easter) was the goddess of Fertility. The Easter egg is a symbol of the pagan Mother Goddess, and it even bears one of her names.

Do you hear that? Fables! Fertility! A Mother Goddess! The horror! Now, do you see why no true Christian should ever be caught dead dyeing eggs or participating in Easter egg hunts? Instead of an almighty (yet curiously silent and invisible) creator god, the humble egg has been universally celebrated as a symbol of fertility and new life for thousands of years only because those people chose not to know any better. Dozens of cultures who observed the natural world around them, recognized the natural cycle of birth, life and death and celebrated the life-giving sunlight, moon cycle (reproductive cycle) and motherhood in the form of goddess worship were clearly unChristian, evil and wrong, wrong, wrong.

Easter eggs, chocolate bunnies, jellybeans and marshmallow chicks are all very seductive. They seem like delicious innocent fun, but they are not. They are dangerous temptations down the road to unbelief. They suggest natural sources of life and, with those eggs and chicks and hens and such, they are also suggestive of all of the necessary and naturally-occurring components of reproduction. They suggest that the plants and animals on the earth - including human beings - are actually born, live and die without the aid or interference of any deity. Of course, throbbing, pulsing, thriving, living reality cannot compete with the power of fervent, mystical religious belief (right? amirite?), but why should righteous Christians risk it?

And just in case you didn't catch the recurring motif of feminine power in those evil, pagan myths, just look what else this flim-flam Easter/Eastre "holiday" is all about (according to ChristianAnswers):

Nice try, Christians, but no.
... this adulterous and idolatrous woman gave birth to an illegitimate son, she claimed that this son, Tammuz by name, was Nimrod reborn.” Semiramis “claimed that her son was supernaturally conceived [no human father] and that he was the promised seed, the 'savior'” - promised by God in Genesis 3:15. “However, not only was the child worshipped, but the woman, the MOTHER, was also worshipped as much (or more) than the son!” Nimrod deified as the god of the sun and father of creation. Semiramis became the goddess of the moon, fertility, etc.

The woman, the MOTHER (!!1eleventy1!) was worshipped! If ever there was proof that Easter is an unChristian festival, this creation of a female god is it. Any mythology that pays respect to women - let alone that elevates one to goddess status - autonomous, powerful and life-giving - is a mythology that is antithetical to everything that patriarchal Christianity stands for.

And come on, look at that silly fable! It cannot hold a candle to the 100% true, God-breathed, divine message in the Bible describing the singular Truth of Christianity: An innocent and immaculate young virgin miraculously gave birth to a son. The Bible claims that this son, Jesus by name, was the son of God, conceived of the Holy Spirit (no human father) and that he was the promised Messiah - the "savior" promised by God in Genesis 3:15. Not only is the child, Jesus, worshipped as he should be, but his mother, Mary is also paid deference as only the Mother of God deserves to be.

Now, that is a story that has the ring of ultimate Truth™!

In the old fables of the Mystery cults, their 'savior' Tammuz, was worshipped with various rites at the Spring season. According to the legends, after he was slain [killed by a wild boar], he went into the underworld. But through the weeping of his mother… he mystically revived in the springing forth of the vegetation - in Spring! Each year a spring festival dramatically represented this supposed 'resurrection'...

In the old holy scriptures of the One True Faith, the Christian savior, Jesus Christ, is worshipped with various rites at the spring season. According to the inerrant word of the Bible, after he was slain (killed by Roman occupiers), he died and descended into hell. But according to the will of his father, he mystically revived - bringing "new life" to the world - in Spring! Each spring, during holy days, worshippers dramatically re-enact the utterly unverifiable story totally true Biblical account of this real resurrection.

Thus, a terrible false religion developed with its sun and moon worship, priests, astrology, demonic worship, worship of stars associated with their gods, idolatry, mysterious rites, human sacrifice, and more. Frankly, the practices which went on were so horrible that it is not fitting for me to speak of them here.

Exactly.  We will speak no more about it. The Christian religion with its Son worship, priests, mysticism, belief in angels and demons, worship of holy shrines associated with visions of their gods, angels and saints, mysterious rites and liturgical human sacrifice ritual is so much more than this terrible false religion from which Easter has sprung. For one thing, Christians add ritual cannibalism after the ritual human sacrifice! Frankly, these practices are so obviously correct, righteous and good, that it is not fitting for any Christian to participate in anything else. The source of that whole springtime/ new life/ bunnies and eggs/ ickily feminine, fertility cultish, Eastery thing is a terrible, false religion. What kind of a legitimate spring/rebirth festival elevates a MOTHER over a son? Definitely not a Christian festival!

Easter is clearly an evil pagan festival which Christians ought to decry.

Absolutely not!
Christians ought to take a stand against this tawdry commercialization of Christianity's most glorious holiday and simply refuse to partake in it. Perhaps they could demand that retailers post Happy Resurrection Sunday signs in their stores. Insist that schools and businesses should be closed out of respect for Crucifixion Friday. Fight for the power to teach schoolchildren the Good News™- whether they are Christian or not - through faith-building activities. Why shouldn't they be able to put on an annual Passion Play in public schools? What little boy wouldn't love to portray the crucified Jesus? What little girl hasn't dreamed of being cast as the Blessed Virgin grieving over the broken body of her murdered son? Even the littlest Christians can partake in the spirit-filled fun by baking Resurrection Cookies with Mom. As Mom reads the appropriate scriptures, the little ones can beat nuts into pieces with a wooden spoon and imagine they are breaking the bones of their long-suffering savior†. Godly, wholesome, fearsome fun. Now, that is the way to celebrate Easter Joy Resurrection Sunday!

One might wonder if there is a better way for Christians to celebrate Jesus Christ's resurrection, the most important of all Christian holy days. In retrospect, it seems obvious that it would have been a better witness to the world if Christians had not attempted to “Christianize” pagan celebrations* - adopting the name “Easter” (Ishtar/Semiramis) in remembrance of Christ. Jesus has been obscured by painted eggs and bunnies. Attention has been shifted away from spiritual truth and toward materialism (clothing, products and candies with the wrong symbolism). Stores merchandise the name of Easter (not “Resurrection Sunday”) and sell goods that have nothing to do with Christ's death and resurrection.

I couldn't agree more. Leave that pagan Easter business to the heathens, Christians! Resurrection Sunday belongs to you and Easter belongs to the rest of us. You glorify divine capital punishment, substitutionary atonement and human sacrifice - we prefer bunnies, eggs and chocolate. You keep the Crucifixion in Crucifixion Friday and the Resurrection in Resurrection Sunday and we will keep the Easter in Easter. Sounds fair to me.

† Read the Resurrection Cookie link. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.
* Can I get an "Amen" to this, brothers and sisters?

That's right, Easter Bunny, just keep on hopping right out of the Christian calendar. 
And you can take your abominable eggs with you!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Design 'Er B'ys!

Beautiful Quidi Vidi Gut, the setting for Design 'Er B'ys

Is HGTV one of your guilty pleasures?  Are you secretly convinced that if you only had the chance, you too could perform miracles of home improvement? More important, have you ever rolled your eyes a little skeptically and wondered about what may have been going on off-camera for who knows how long which never made the cut for a 26 minute show format? Then, read on! This blog post is for you!

From time to time every human being enjoys a moment of the purest pleasure; a sublime interlude when the stars align to bring a couple of the elements closest to one's heart together in a sensational synthesis that comes close to perfection. For me, the niftiest imaginable confluence of awesomeness would be anything that combines my love for decorating shows, my love for salt of the earth Newfoundland and my love for great comedy. I never thought it could happen.

Until yesterday...

... when a Facebook friend (actor and singer, Robert Power) posted the link below.  It is a "proof of concept" trailer for a potential new TV show in Canada (apologies to the rest of the NiftyUniverse; you might be out of luck.  However, activism pays off, y'know - start "liking" the youtube video and spreading the word and perhaps you, too, can make this happen on a tv channel near you!).

They did a good job - but
three months! That's too long
to be without a kitchen and a
bathroom. You know
what I'm saying'...
Here's the concept for "Design 'Er B'ys" straight from the keyboard of Unstoppable Urges Productions:

For Dan and Jimmy, 2 gay men living in the Quidi Vidi area of St. John's, "the Gut", NOTHING is more important than finishing their ambitious renovation projects. Nothing that is, except pretty much everything... friends, family, dogs, school, pickling - they might be living in reno hell forever. And now their well-meaning friend and huge fan Doris has entered them in a contest to host their own reno show. But that would mean finishing the reno...

An appealing couple surrounded by an assortment of genuine (and hilariously frank) friends and beloved dogs, mired in a never-ending renovation project - I ask you, what's not to love about this concept?

Featuring legendary Newfoundland actor and comedian, Greg Malone , the cast draws on a rich range of musical, acting and comedic talents with RenĂ©e Hackett, Blair Harvey,  and the b'ys* Craig Pike and Miles Sharp. The trailer is a pitch perfect fusion of Newfoundland humor, wonderful comedic acting, refreshingly authentic Newfoundland settings and a marvelous tongue in cheek send-up of the current mania for interior design by Everyone! We could all be designers and the B'ys can too!

Enjoy the trailer and then LIKE it and SHARE it! Nifty Readers -- ENGAGE!!

* b'ys -  Newfoundland for two or more friends (usually male).  e.g.. "Me and the b'ys are going down to the pub!"

Monday, December 30, 2013

Monday Music - Hallelujah! Holiday Loot!

Now that the Holiday rush is over, the presents have been opened and everyone is mostly recovered from the feasting - it's time for a bit of fun!

Check out Edward Current's collaborative effort with composer/producer Steven Clark. An updated and hilarious version of Handel's Messiah!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Tuesday Tonic - Bob Newhart AND Bill Nye!

Ok, comedy fans - and science geeks, too! - this has got to be the best thing ever.

Last month, CBS announced that Bob Newhart would be returning to Big Bang Theory to reprise his guest role as Professor Proton, a TV personality and Sheldon Cooper's childhood hero. In September, Newhart won an Emmy for the guest role and it looks like CBS is smart enough to know a great thing when it sees it (unlike the luddites who have snubbed Bob Newhart over the past 5 decades when he was doing some of the greatest work in television comedy in one hilarious series after another, yet was always passed over at Emmy time).

On Thursday, November 7, Professor Proton returns!

But wait, it gets better! Not only will Bob Newhart reprise his Professor Proton for Thursday night's episode but, in their infinite wisdom, the BBT producers have also managed to bring in Bill Nye, the Science Guy (playing himself) as Proton's arch-nemesis! This is going to be epic!

Bob Newhart, Bill Nye and Big Bang Theory - it's a science geek/comedy trifecta!

Get your popcorn and settle in to watch (or cue up the DVR!) Thursday night's episode!

(to warm you up and/or hold you until Thursday night, check out the scene below):

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Daylight Savings Crime

For your Sunday entertainment, I am reposting an essay from the NiftyUniverse archives wherein my alter ego rails against Daylight Savings Time, NPR and whatever else that scattered mind gloms onto other stuff:

Good Day, NiftyReaders!

It's another glorious springlike morning,  the kind that just makes you leap out of bed ready to greet the day!  I love days like this, and I'd love them even more if they began on time instead of an hour too early!  As it is, I was forced to drag my protesting limbs out from under the duvet in the pre-dawn murk, call the boys for school, start breakfast and take the dog out before the first life-giving rays of that beautiful sunshine had even peeked over the horizon!  If a planet (or star?) could talk, I'm sure the good ol' sun would have said to me, "What the heck are you doing?  I'm fixing to shine down on you and the rest of this wonderful world in about 17 minutes--get back in bed!".

Unfortunately for me and the rest of civilized humanity, the Powers that Be™ are deaf to the whisperings of the stars and blind to the natural order of the universe.  They insist on the lunatic scheme of daylight savings time and because they are the Powers that Be, they can force the rest of us to arrange our affairs accordingly.  There ought to be a law against that.   If I had more time in my day (ahem! stolen hour?),  perhaps I would organize a grass-roots protest, but I am a busy woman and with even fewer hours in my day, I must redouble my efforts with the important tasks already on my To Do list!


Blog Post (obviously- in progress)
Photo Project (another obvious priority, although more difficult- don't know if I will get to it today)
Laundry-sheets, etc (a friend is arriving tomorrow for a quick overnight)
Lose Weight
Start Supper (hmm..)
Exercise (right after I finish this post!  Going for a walk in the lovely spring sunshine!)
Passport Application (Oops!  Forgot again!)
Plan Spring Roadtrip/ reserve hotel rooms en route (I have one already booked! Good!)

I've noticed that the order of priority seems a little off here.  Perhaps that has been the problem with my To Do lists.  Let me try sorting them in order of importance, then I can start at the top and work down, getting the most urgent tasks completed in a timely manner.  I am so glad that I have been blessed with good organizational skills!


Blog Post (always job 1!- started and first thing, too--excellent!)
Passport Application
Laundry (we need the sheets for tomorrow, so this must come first)
Passport Application
Start Supper (we have to eat!!)
Passport Application
Photo Project (good lord! this should be at the top of the list! It is job 1!)
Passport Application
Plan Spring Roadtrip (won't need any passports if we have no trip planned!)
Passport Application
Exercise (technically, this ought to be number 2 because it is the next thing I am going to do)
Lose Weight
Pay Bills (oops!  Nearly forgot that one! thanks for the reminder, Comcast,  although I must say that terse attitude was uncalled for)

Hmmm...there is a problem with the priorities on this list, but I can't quite put my finger on what it is.  Oh well,  it doesn't matter- it is the process which counts and I am nothing if not dedicated to the process!  Now that that's done,  I can get started on my great day!

But first,  I ought to mention something a little disturbing that I noticed this morning on the drive to school.  I had the radio tuned to NPR as usual,  and they are in the throes of their annoying annual Spring fund drive.  I tune in to NPR in the mornings because it is the only station from which I can get unbiased news and so forth without a load of irritating commercials and shouting deejays.  Every few months, however, I am subjected to annoying whining and begging for "pledges" and "support" (they call them "annual" Spring/Fall fund drives but they are lying through their teeth - they have them at least twice per year!).  It's really very aggravating!  I don't see how they can claim to be "commercial-free" when they subject their listeners to an hour or two of nearly non-stop pan-handling every six months, and I for one have had enough of it.

Certainly, I barely noticed the unnecessary interruption of my normal morning routines until this morning - when they mentioned a "special group of members" who are encouraging new members to join - but the principle remains the same: they promise annoyance-free radio and I expect annoyance-free radio!  Sure they have no commercials,  but is it not equally irritating to subject their listeners to this fawn-fest of shout-outs to their little favorites?  I bet that "special group of members" spends all their time annoying people instead of contributing to humanity like Yours Truly and Those in the Know!

Apparently, this is actually the last day of the Spring drive and I hadn't noticed it before now,  but standards are standards and I think NPR is letting down the side a little here.  Just what do they mean by a "special group of members" anyway?   I would have thought that I would definitely belong in the "special group of members" as I listen to the station every single day, but it appears that I have missed the memo!  Or rather, NPR has committed a grievous faux pas* by failing to recognise their real quality listeners!   I'm a little put out,  if the truth be told, although Those in the Know will remember that I am far too tolerant, not to mention busy with important stuff,  to give it a second thought.

(Fulminating pause) Who are these people whose membership is more special than mine, anyway?  It is all too vexing.  I'm going to have to ring them up and give them a piece of my mind...


Well, I've wasted enough time today on this blog post and going off half-cocked to call NPR, resulting in humiliating realization that I have forgotten to renew my membership for the past 3 years  other stuff.  I am a busy woman and people depend on me to make things happen!

Good Day to All!

* Those in the Know can "learn something new everyday" simply by reading my blog and soaking up the sophisticated foreign references!  Take that, NPR!

It's inescapable. Conquer it with humour!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Tuesday Tonic - The War On Christmas

Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's best Christian, reports on the war on Christmas from her embedded position in the enemy's maw - er, the shopping mall.

Quote for the win:

"We stole December 25 fair and square and we're not giving it back!"

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

For The Zombie Apocalypse, Romney's Your Man!

A little humour to distract you from Sandy's misery. Stay safe out there!

"Romney is ready to make the deep rollbacks: healthcare, education, social services, reproductive rights that will guarantee poverty, unemployment, overpopulation, disease, rioting...all the crucial elements in creating a nightmare wasteland.
But it's his commitment to ungoverned corporate privilege that will nosedive this economy into true insolvency and chaos - the kind of chaos you can't buy back!"

Friday, August 31, 2012

The Man From Bloomfield Hills

This is too good not to share. via

A SNL-esque short mockumentary of Mitt Romney's hardscrabble life.

"During his college days at Stanford, the young Mitt showed his patriotism by protesting the communists, beatniks and other social degenerates who questioned our country's involvement in the war in Viet Nam. Mitt would have fought in the war himself, but sometimes serving your country means staying the hell out of the way. Mitt took his fight to the other Viet Nam - Paris, France - where he stood on the front line of the battle to convert French people to Mormonism..."

"Principle. Duty. Conservative values.  The man from Bloomfield Hills will always have the taste of caviar in his mouth and the smell of freshly opened tennis ball cans in his nostrils. He knows we can make America great again by making all the rich people richer and by saying "Tough cookies" to the haters.
There's something in the air. Just take a walk down the avenues of Bloomfield Hills and - before security asks you to leave - you'll hear it. That's the sound of Mitt Romney's America."

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Sneak Preview IPhone 5!

via Pharyngula

Quote FTW:

"The Iphone 5 is a game-changer...within minutes I had friends telling me how much fun I was having!"

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Sunday Inspiration - The New Normal

via NBC

Oh, this looks so good.  I may have to throw a party for the premiere episode in September!

Quote for the win:

"A family is a family...and love is love."

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Less is Mormon!

         "All you need is the slightest majority, and you get to waterboard a witch!"

Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's best Christian, discusses the right wing tactic of putting civil rights to a simple majority vote via ballot initiatives.

Best line:

"The more timid founding fathers created a Republic instead of a democracy because they thought allowing citizens to vote on individual rights was a really stupid idea. But you know what they call a really stupid idea that's also a really popular one...a law!"

Monday, June 25, 2012

Now For Something Completely Different

From Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life",  The Galaxy Song!

The Galaxy Song

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Letting Go of God - A Catholic Journey

This really looks like a great mixture of good sense and humour. This is the trailer, and I am hoping to post the entire thing in short segments over the next few weeks.

Julia Sweeney, Letting Go of God.

For anyone interested in listening to the whole thing at once (it is just over 2 hours and very good) here is a link.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Evolu- er Variation! Yeah, That's It!

via Pharyngula: Potholer and Hovind Come Together!

Would you like a quick, easy-to-understand explanation of speciation? Potholer is your man!

This brief, funny video explains everything (even Kent Hovind!)